Sometimes, I mess up so royally that I find myself wishing I could be…I don’t know…something along the lines of flawless…especially as a mother!
Alas, “flawless” is not a characteristic that courses through my human veins, so I have discovered myself in more than a few self-created messes where I wished I could take it all back.
Yesterday I really could have used such a vacuum.
My daughter is absolutely amazing. She’s brilliant and artistic and funny and loving and a million other wonderful things.
Now, I’ve got this little girl down to a science. I am able to connect with her and reach her on a level that only a mother can. Despite this fountain of knowledge, yesterday, when we were rushing out of the house and I knew…I mean, I knew…that the socks I had quickly grabbed were the “wrong” ones, I still tried to press forward.
You can guess how that went, I’m sure: With her foot darting about from side to side, as I tried to get even one sock to stay on, we both quickly went from humored to highly agitated and frustrated.
Now, I know this is not the approach for my girl…I mean, I knew it before I knelt down to put these socks on, but we were late and I didn’t have time to find another pair, so I simply forged ahead!
The shortcuts never work out, and this time was proving to be no exception. It certainly would have been quicker to have found another pair of socks, but see, I’m feisty too and so now, this had become a battle of the wills.
Yup. Very mature.
So there I was, amid the floundering of socks and our impending battle of the wills, and God was showing me that I was about to say something I’d regret, but I didn’t heed His warning. Next thing you know, I’m pulling my daughter towards the door and telling her to go walk in the snow barefoot.
Not my proudest moment.
I’m actually very embarrassed to even write that and had no intentions of sharing this story any further than the reaches of my front door, but I felt prodded by God to blog about it. It’s important for people to see that even the best-meaning, most loving of hearts can completely blunder and hurt the ones they love.
Maybe my actions seem like nothing to you, OR maybe it seems completely appalling, like I too felt it was. Either way, my reaction caused both my little girl and me to completely stop in our tracks (and yes, I did retreat finally for those socks).
Now, my little girl was left completely unscathed by the whole thing (and no, I did not make her walk barefoot in the snow). As for me, I apologized, we hugged, we talked, but I was completely traumatized by the whole thing.
I longed to have that vacuum to clean this whole mess up and have it be like it never happened in the first place. The dread from it all was unbearable, and afterwards, I rode much of our drive in silence. My daughter had forgiven me and moved on, but I was so ashamed of how I’d treated this gift God has entrusted me to take care of.
Then it struck me.
This is what God’s grace and mercy are all about.
I messed up.
Big time. There was no hiding this fact.
We go to the Cross with our burdens and sins, we ask for forgiveness, and…get this…we actually get to leave our burdens and sins right there for Him to take care of.
So, you better believe, I went to that Cross, and I asked for forgiveness, and just like that, our Lord’s “vacuum” that cleans up the mess of all who have sinned, asked for salvation and sought forgiveness was switched to “On”.
While it is true that sometimes I do wish that I could be flawless in my life, especially as a mother, I’m realizing that to be so would mean that I did not need Christ, and I’m not willing to ever experience that.
So, I take my flawed existence, and I bring it to my God and thank Him for giving His undeserved grace and forgiveness, for granting me freedom right here and now from the chains that bind, and because of Him, whenever God sees me, all He sees is Jesus living in me…